Stop Asking Questions
by SheWolfByakugan
Summary: Kisame and Itachi have been partners for three years and Itachi has been silent for most of them until he suddenly starts asking Kisame a lot of random questions in an attempt to get to know the shark-man more. Rated T for coarse language


After Kisame and Itachi had been partnered up, Kisame tried to get to know the mysterious new Akatsuki recruit so that they could work better together. Most of his attempts were met with either a blank stare or a monosyllabic response that pretty much cut the "conversation" off.

Eventually he gave up and the first three years of their partnership were very very bland. Especially since they didn't get many missions. Itachi remained solemn and silent most of the time and Kisame simply accepted it.

One day something changed. It was a simple question that would set off a chain of confusion and annoyance. The day Itachi started releasing his built-up curiosity was a very stressful day indeed.

Even though Itachi spoke very little, the two had managed to grow at least the tiniest bit closer. Kisame managed to find out that both he and Itachi enjoyed going to teahouses and hot springs after a mission. Both places were ideal for relaxing and talking wasn't mandatory, so it was perfect for them. Itachi was also able to use his Sharingan to manipulate anyone in the building so that they could enter without using a transformation jutsu.

One day after a particularly strenuous mission, the two decided to head to a hot spring to relax. After sleeping on the ground every night for nearly a week, they were both incredibly stiff. While they were undressing, Itachi kept glancing over at the gills on Kisame's upper arms. They were nearly always covered and he had almost forgotten that they were there. It was a reminder of just how weird his partner really was. They covered themselves with towels, though they still kept their underwear on because they both found it awkward to be naked around other people as they walked down the hall. They undressed completely, sat down in the water, and kept some space between them. Kisame sighed and closed his eyes as the hot water surrounded him. Itachi leaned back against the wall and silently enjoyed the water as well for a while until he finally asked what he had wanted to for so long.

"Kisame, why do you have gills?" he asked in his monotone voice while looking over at Kisame who had been calmly resting and minding his business. He didn't even open his eyes as he gave his answer. "I just do."

"There must be a reason. Are you part shark?" Itachi wandered bravely into new territory here as he studied Kisame's appearance with his eerie Sharingan eyes.

"Contrary to popular belief, neither of my parents fucked a shark or did some weird gene splicing to make me. I am biologically human." was Kisame's slightly agitated reply. It wasn't the first time someone had asked that question, but because it was Itachi, he kept the threats of maiming or death under wraps. It didn't stop there though.

"Biologically human..." Itachi mused. "I find that hard to believe."

"Believe it, kid. Or don't. I really don't care."

"You're not usually so rude."

"You're not usually so talkative."

"I'm curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat and it would probably kill a weasel too."

"I'm not a weasel."

Kisame raised his eyebrows and looked over at Itachi with an expression that said, _"Are you sure about that?"_

Itachi rolled his eyes and said nothing more. The rest of their time was spent in content silence, as was the rest of their journey back to the hideout. When they arrived, they got settled and eventually everyone went to the recreational chamber in the underground hideout while Pein's paths searched their rooms as they did every day.

There was a large round table in the center of the room that would seat 13 people. There were other smaller tables as well as shelves containing various scrolls and books. There was also an area for training. Most of the others were sitting at the table. Kisame and Itachi joined them, sitting near Deidara who was making tiny birds out of clay that hadn't yet been infused with his explosive chakra.

Kisame started tending to Samehada as he always did in his free time. Itachi found this strange as well and frowned as he watched the older man start carefully unwinding the bandages that were wrapped neatly around the monstrous sword.

"You care a lot about that sword, don't you?" he said quietly.

Caught off guard by the sudden question, Kisame stopped what he was doing to actually give the question some thought. "I guess do. It won't lie to me. I can trust it. Why do you ask?"

"You do that every day. You take the time to put fresh bandages on it every night. You keep it with you all the time. You talk to it." Itachi said matter-of-factly.

"I bet he fucks it too," Deidara snickered. Kisame looked over at him with a deadly glare that made Deidara's smirk dry up quite quickly before he went back to frantically making his little birds.

Itachi looked at Kisame with a vaguely surprised expression "That isn't true, is it?"

Kisame shook his head at the fact that Itachi had to ask. "Of course it isn't. He's the one who makes humanoid clay models for sexual excursions. I don't require sexual stimulation." Itachi seemed satisfied with this information.

Once Pein's paths had finished their searches, everyone was allowed to roam freely. Kisame and Itachi went straight for their shared bedroom and settled down on their beds which were located on opposite sides of the room. After taking off his cloak and hanging it up, Kisame began rewrapping Samehada and murmuring things to it quietly. Itachi simply sat on his bed staring at his partner silently. The sword's occasional shivers and tremors didn't seem to bother him at all.

Realizing that he was being watched, Kisame looked up. "Is something wrong, kid?" Itachi continued to stare at him. Those eyes always disturbed the older man. He felt like his partner was staring right through him. He sighed before continuing with his sword, but it wasn't long before the younger man finally spoke up. "It's just odd seeing you interact with it verbally. Isn't that a little useless?"

Finishing its wrapping, Kisame stood the sword up against the wall next to his bed. "Well I have no one else to talk to considering I have an almost mute partner. It responds with these... vibrations and shivers," he said while patting it fondly. The Uchiha let his activated Sharingan roam over the sword almost boredly.

"So… why are you blue?" he asked after a few moments and earned himself an incredulous stare from the person in question.

"You can't just ask someone why their skin is a certain color." said Kisame, outraged.

"No one else has blue skin. Is it a transformation jutsu?" said Itachi just as calmly as if he was asking what Kisame's favorite food was.

"Why would I waste chakra to keep my skin blue all the time?"

"Well it suits you. Perhaps you tried it once and decided to keep it. Why is your hair blue too?" he continued. Kisame self-consciously touched his spiky blue hair. "That's natural..."

"Is your pubic hair blue as well?" Itachi asked innocently.

"That's none of your business, you nosy bastard. Stop asking me personal questions."

"We're partners. Knowing more about each other is supposed to help our teamwork."

"Itachi, we've been partners for three years and you've barely spoken to me. Knowing if my pubes are the same color as the hair on my head isn't going to help our teamwork. What the hell has gotten into you? And don't you say curiosity." It was becoming evident that Kisame was getting irritated by the sudden burst of questions. He never did like the feeling of being scrutinized and now someone with the Sharingan had their eyes on him. Analyzing him and trying to figure out how he ticked. Why he was the way he was. He didn't like it.

Itachi on the other didn't seem particularly enthused about any of his questions or the answers he received yet he continued being more verbal. "But curiosity _is_ my reason. I am genuinely interested in knowing about you."

"Yeah right," said the older man as laid down on his back. "You don't just suddenly become curious about someone after you've been their partner for three years."

"Well I have."

"Just go to sleep, kid. You're getting on my nerves," and with that Kisame turned away and closed his eyes. Itachi decided to end his onslaught for answers for now.

The next afternoon when most members of the Akatsuki were taking advantage of the cool weather outside to train, Kisame and Itachi were sparring. Itachi decided that now would be a good time to resume last night's questioning.

"Why do you look so weird?" he said while blocking a punch from Kisame that made him slide back a little. Kisame rolled his eyes to high heavens and sighed dramatically. "We are _not_ starting with this again are we?"

"Starting with what?" Itachi asked while running towards his partner and somehow managing to keep his voice at the same calm, monotone it usually possessed.

Kisame ran towards him as well as they prepared their attacks. "The pointless questions!"

Itachi immediately stopped causing Kisame to nearly trip over his own feet as he quite literally skidded to a stop due to his momentum. "They are not pointless," Itachi said with a hint of something that sounded like offense being taken.

This earned him yet another incredulous stare from his partner. "Asking me why I look the way I do is incredibly pointless. Besides, you would probably enjoy hearing the story behind that considering your history. I don't feel like going through it today. So, I'll put it this way. Someone liked me. Someone liked the thought of an amphibious killing machine. I was compatible. Here I am." he said in short snappy sentences. Itachi took a few moments to soak in the new information.

"Were you born with fins?"

Kisame frustratedly ran a hand through his hair while gritting his razor-sharp teeth so hard that you could hear them scraping against each other. " _No, I was not_. Can we continue with our sparring now?"

Itachi actually smiled the tiniest smile and nodded. They continued their session well into the evening and eventually headed back into the hideout. Kisame was taking a nice shower and realized that he was actually glad to be away from Itachi for once. But suddenly he felt a familiar presence in the bathroom and mumbled under his breath. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"Kisame, it's me Itachi." he said in a slightly raised, but still very monotone voice so he could be heard over the shower. Kisame peeked out from around the shower curtain and spoke in the most sarcastic tone he could muster because he knew Itachi didn't interpret sarcasm very well. "Well, no shit, Itachi. I thought you were someone else. Nice of you to pay me a visit."

Itachi waved his hand dismissively as if he just did a favor that he didn't mind doing. "I was simply wondering if your lack of interest in sexual habits is because of your shark-like nature. Sharks only mate for reproductive purposes from what I've learned."

"Get out, Itachi."

"Answer my question and I will."

"Leave. I'm not talking about this with you."

"Do you have claspers?"

"GET OUT!"

"Ok ok." Itachi disappeared and left a very shaky Kisame to aggressively wash himself before returning to their room later. He didn't even look in Itachi's direction when he walked in and started on Samehada's bandages.

"Kisame."

"..."

"Are you angry with me?"

"Shut up, Itachi."

"Don't be rude. I am trying to learn about you."

"I am not a goddamn shark. I don't have claspers. I have a regular human dick just like you have, but it's probably way bigger because I'm a man and you're a boy."

"I am 18 years old."

"You look like you have a baby dick."

"Shall I 'free the monster' as Hidan says and show you that you are incorrect in your assumption?" Itachi asked as he casually started unzipping his pants.

Kisame kept his eyes on Samehada. "Please don't. I would rather not have that image burned into my brain."

Itachi shrugged and zipped his pants back up then grabbed a small notebook from the bookshelf next to his bed. It seemingly contained a list of questions for Kisame that he had been compiling. He crossed a few out with a pencil then started reading through some of them. Kisame finally finished with Samehada and was about to put it next to his bed as always when Itachi decided to exercise his vocal cords yet again.

"So Kisame, do you have a blowhole?"

"ITACHI!" Kisame yelled angrily.

Itachi blinked and seemed a little confused. "Why are you getting so upset?

"STOP. ASKING. QUESTIONS! I liked it better when you were silent!" This was the last straw. Kisame grabbed Samehada and went to sleep on the couch, slamming their bedroom door as he left while muttering threats and curses under his breath.

Itachi watched him go and put a star next to that question "Hm... blow holes are a sensitive topic. I shall approach with caution in the future."


End file.
